A Good Perspective for Bad Times

There are times in our journey when everything seems to be just too much to bear and we can’t see our way through. The sheer enormity of what we face on a daily basis can leave us absolutely helpless before it, but a passage that ‘just happened’ to show up today gives hope to me and, I pray, to you:

PSALM 131:1B-2 (LEB): “I do not concern myself with things too great and difficult for me. Rather I have soothed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like the weaned child is my soul with me.

Is it a toddler’s responsibility to make sure that there is food on the table, the bills are paid, or the leg she broke when she threw a tantrum by the stairs is put in a cast?  Of course not!  That is for her parents to take care of; she isn’t capable of even grasping what needs to be done to take care of such things.  (Imagine a two-year-old trying to fix a window she shattered throwing a toy, using only what knowledge and skills she has learned in her short time on Earth.  Would it even be possible?)  In the same way, our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need to grow, and makes sure that we get it at the proper time, whether as a blessing or a calamity.  The rocks of trials and tribulations that fall on us, the obstacles that loom like mountains before us, and the bottomless chasms of our lack of knowledge at our feet only serve to remind us that, in and of ourselves, we are helpless, hopeless, worthless, and useless to truly solve our own problems, and that it is only as we allow Him to teach and guide us that we can ever hope to be completely free of them and walk in true joy and peace.

It is not possible for any of us to know what we still need to go through on our road to healing.  It may be that we require going through some very deep, dark ‘valleys of education’ to teach us what we need to know and mold us into the person that we need to become.  (Consider Joseph and the incredible hardships that he faced over 22 years that transformed him from a cocky, spoiled boy into a humble, responsible man who could be trusted with the well-being of an entire country, and who could finally say to his brothers “Don’t be upset or angry with yourselves any longer because of what you did.  You see, God sent me here ahead of you to preserve life.  God sent me here ahead of you to make sure you and your families survive this terrible ordeal and have a remnant left on earth.  So it wasn’t really you who sent me here, but God; the same God who made me an advisor to Pharaoh, master of his household, and ruler over everyone in the land of Egypt.“)

What I do know is that the same God who brought Joseph (..and David, and Daniel, and Esther, and Jesus) through their dark times is the same loving Father who will bring you through yours, until you eventually become the shining, flawless jewel of a son or daughter that He already sees that you will be.

Posted in Teachings | Leave a comment

Protected: Thoughts on Gamifying Mental Illness and Recovery

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Posted in Game Development | Tagged ,

Belief, Trust, and Faith: a closer look

I admit that I had always assumed that belief, trust, and faith were essentially the same thing and spoke from that standpoint.  Recently, however, my inner skeptic kicked in and called on me to question that belief.  When I did, I was left with some egg on my face, but with a far deeper understanding than I was anticipating to find.

To begin with, let’s take a look at how the three words are defined:

be·lief (noun)
an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.
trust (noun)
a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
faith (noun)
complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Hmmm… fascinating.  All three are part of the same spectrum but don’t have the same meaning.  To use an analogy, you can believe that chairs are intended to hold people’s weight without collapsing, you can trust that a particular chair will do so, but you must have faith that it will before you will take action and sit down in it.

James puts it well in the second chapter of his letter when he says

But someone may say, “You claim to have faith and I have good works; show me your alleged faith without the works if you can, and I will show you my faith by my worksthat is, by what I do.” You believe that God is one; you do well to believe that.  The demons also believe that, and shudder and bristle in awe-filled terror—they have seen His wrath! But are you willing to recognize, you foolish spiritually shallow person, that faith without good works is useless?

Strong words, indeed!  To place it in the context of my analogy, you can talk all you want about the faith you have that that chair will support you, but as long as you choose to remain standing when you should be seated, you are denying the faith that you profess.

Brothers and sisters, don’t be fooled; your own actions will tell you how much belief you truly have.  If your actions do not match those of a holy God, do not attempt to rationalize them by saying silly things like ‘we all struggle’, ‘I’m doing my best’, ‘I wasn’t thinking straight’, ‘s/he said/did yadda yadda yadda and that set me off’, etc.  They are all just excuses.  You need to diagnose why you did those things.  It is only when we understand why we (or others) do things that ‘miss the mark’ (the original definition of ‘sin’), that we can start taking steps to counter the thought patterns that generated that sin.  (In fact, the very core of forgiveness is understanding.  Consider the shift in perspective when you find out that the guy who terrified and enraged you by cutting you off, then flew through that red light, horn blaring, swerving all over the road, was getting his four-year-old daughter to the hospital before she bled out and died.  When we know why someone does something, forgiveness, more and more, becomes automatic, to the point where we will do it without thinking even while we are in the middle of having to deal with someone’s actions.)

Jesus Himself was extremely pointed when He outright said that unless you do the will of the Father, you will never walk through the gates of the Holy City.  Period.  Even those who honestly believe that Jesus is their Lord, yet who don’t have faith that He is and therefore demonstrate it through their actions, still will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  (Matt 7:21:23)  This is a hard teaching, and it goes completely against what is preached from many pulpits.  Here is reality: salvation is a process, not something that happens in an instant because you said a prayer in a moment of emotional conviction.  Yes, from the moment that God accepts you as His Own, your salvation is assured, as He knows the outcome and thus can’t fail at anything, but that just marks the beginning of your salvation process; He still has to prune away everything that is crippling you and getting in the way of you becoming like Him.  Much of what that process entails is Him converting unbelief to belief, belief to trust, and trust to faith.  It is only when we have achieved faith that what He can do with and within us becomes unlimited.  Until then, He has to operate within a narrowly defined set of limits to avoid overwhelming and harming us.  It is only as He builds our belief, trust, and faith that He has more space to work with and within us.

Even more to the point, consider the phrase used at the beginning of the previous paragraph, ‘will of the Father’.   How can you do someone’s will if they don’t tell you what it is?  How can they tell you what it is if you aren’t listening?  Why would you be listening if you don’t have a relationship with them?  If someone never speaks to you and straight-out tells you that you are his child, is he really your father?  These are questions that require answers, and the sad reality seems to be that most people who self-identify as ‘Christians’ can’t say that God has ever spoken to them, let alone confirmed that they were His child.  They may offer up the excuse that ‘He speaks to them through the Bible’, but that is like saying that I am speaking to YOU, O Reader, personally, through this post.  I’m not.  I don’t know who you are; I am sharing a general truth, but I can’t speak directly to you, O Reader, and to your specific situation, unless we are directly communicating, which can’t be done like this.  The Eternal One, the Lord Almighty, YHWH of Hosts is a Living God.  He speaks to and through His children, who are One as the Father and Son are One; through the conduit of the Holy Spirit.  If He has not told YOU, O Reader, personally, specifically, that you are His child, then you are not.  Period.    …yet.

Yet.  Yet. YET!  Those three letters form one of the most powerful words in the English language, for just by adding them to the end of a sentence, you add room for things to change in the future.  ‘I can’t’ becoming ‘I can’t, yet’ gives hope and direction.  The impossible becomes possible.  The unreachable becomes reachable.  The unholy can become holy.  There.  Is.  Time.  YOU can become holy.  YOU can have true love, hope, joy, peace.  YOU can become a Child of God.  You just have to start wherever you are and ask Him without ceasing to have Him accept you as such, then ask Him to turn your unbelief into belief, your belief into trust and your trust into faith.  Be desperate.  Cry out.  Let your tears flow.  Hold nothing back.  Mourn for who you are.  Yearn to be more than you are.  Let your pain flow out in agonized howls of suffering.  Let your heart be completely open and truthful, for the first time in your life.  It’s okay.  You can be honest with Him.  Yell at Him, scream at Him, demand that He explain Himself, let out all of your anger and feelings of betrayal that He allowed you to suffer as you did.  It’s okay.  He understands why you are hurting, why you are angry, why you feel betrayed.  There is nothing that you can possibly say that will offend Him.  You can call Him every name in the book and He will still love and accept you and wants you to understand why things happened as they did.  (In time, He will show you the reasons why, so you will understand and be able to let them go.)  For now, the important thing is to communicate with Him, to tell Him all that has been hiding and festering in your heart.  It is time to lance the infection of bitterness that has been poisoning you for all of these years, to reveal what has been stifled and smothered under ‘I can’t trust anybody’ and ‘nobody can help me’ and ‘nobody cares what I’m going through’.  He can be trusted.  He can help you.  He cares.  He has always been trustworthy and helpful and caring.  But His love is conditional.  Not conditional in the sense of ‘deserving’, but in being limited by your capacity to accept it, for true love isn’t a feeling, but a verb, an action word, something done.  His idea of love and justice is based on meeting needs, not punishing (or rewarding) deeds.  He wants desperately to meet your needs, no matter what you’ve done.  (Think about it; if you meet someone’s need for food, stealing a loaf of bread would never even occur to them, even if they have done it in the past when they were hungry, would it?)  There is a catch, though; He can only (actively) love you as much as you will allow Him to, for there can be no love without liberty, and you have always had the liberty to go your own way and refuse His love, to your sorrow and His.  He cares for you enough to allow you to have the free will to do whatever you decide to do, no matter how much it may hurt you or those around you.  This is your life; yours and yours alone.  You are responsible only for yourself and your actions.  You are at liberty to do whatever you want.  What He is asking is for you to give Him permission to do whatever HE wants with and in you.  That is a scary thing when you don’t know Him.  You find yourself asking ‘What if…’ and imagining all kinds of things, none of which make you want to turn your life over to this… stranger.  Very well.  The problem contains the direction to its own solution; you need to know Him.  You need to know who He is and why He does what He does.  You need to know that you can believe, trust, and have faith in him.  How do you do that?  By having evidence.  How can you get it?  You can get circumstantial evidence from others who know Him, but the only absolute way is to simply ask Him for it.  (…or demand that He produce it.  Being angry at Him because you don’t understand why He did something is okay; he is a big God and can take it.)  The reality is that the most compelling evidence must come directly from this extra-dimensional Being whom we can’t physically sense.  It is the only way that you can know His character and ways of doing things.  I can talk to you until I am blue in the face and my voice is a rasping whisper, and still not have the impact of a single leaf falling exactly when and where it needs to in His exact timing.

…when it needs to.  Timing is also vitally important.  At one point, I cried out to Him for hoursbegging Him to talk to me, to prove that He even existed, to no avail.  He said nothing to me, nothing, and I was left desolate, able only to acknowledge that, if He existed, then He would have to be the one to contact me, as there was clearly no way for me to make Him speak to me.  It was over eighteen years later that He answered my prayer.  I have since come to understand why; I needed to come to the end of my rope and completely shatter before I would listen.  I had to prove to myself that going my own way, doing ‘the best I could’, living as I thought best, could only end in pain, destruction, and despair.  He waited patiently until I understood and came to a place where all of my delusional pride was stripped away, laying my filthy, twisted, broken soul bare before me, to where I lay screaming in agony over what I had become, what I had lost.  It was only THEN that I was able to listen.  It was only THEN that He spoke to me.  It was only THEN  that I was open to hearing what He had to say and start to follow Him.  Only THEN.

Now… Now I live a life that I could never have imagined.  Now I have a peace seated deeply within me that the storms I still go through cannot tear away.  They can bury it under the waves for a time, but it is my anchor holding me firmly in place, and I have absolute confidence that I cannot be swept away, no matter how wild the winds may get.  Now I know what love really is.  Now I know that hope is a feeling of confidence simply without a known date for its fulfillment.  Now I know what joy is, and how solidly it can support me, whatever may try to drown me.  Now I know what peace truly is and the wholeness that comes from the war within being calmed.  Now I am being saved, and salved, a loving Father applying the balm of His active love to my wounds, leaving nothing but the faintest of scars and the story of how He is healing and restoring me.  It is because I constantly cry out to Him to ‘search my heart and show me the wicked way within me’ that He can do so and then work to excise the tumors of hurts, habits, and hang-ups that were killing me and causing me to lash out at everyone around me.  I now look at myself with a sense of awe and wonder.  I no longer know who I am, and it is with wild joy that I celebrate that!  Who I’ve always been is being pruned away, and now I’m becoming healthy enough to bear good fruit for others to enjoy and be nourished by.  Hallelujah!

 

It is my hope that my words have had an impact on you.  If so, the rubber must meet the road or it is in vain.  To that end, I encourage you to join me in my constant, earnest prayer and set your life’s rudder accordingly.

Father, while there are many things about you that I have faith in, there are still some that I only trust you in, or just believe you in, or even have outright unbelief.  This is not acceptable!  I desperately need to come to a place where my faith in you is complete, not full of holes and weak points, where the Enemy can enter and wreak havoc.  I ask you to work within me to show me where my faith isn’t complete, and make it so.  I accept any discipline, any suffering, any sacrifice to make sure that I become as much like You as I can on this Earth, so I can be the most powerful instrument of healing and restoration that you can make me, that I may have and give love, hope, joy, and peace to all who so desperately need them.

Amen.

 

Posted in Teachings | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Real Love And Its Consequences

Here’s the thing: love in the Hebrew sense is a /verb/, an action word. It is something you DO, not something you FEEL. What Jesus mostly spoke out against concerning the religious leaders of His day was that their deeds were cold, heartless, and selfish, and those evil deeds came from their evil hearts. Time and time and time again, the Father has said that His justice, His love, His mercy is all about helping those who are in need, NOT those who ‘deserve it’. That is His will, and if we are truly His, then we will ‘do the will of our Father who is in heaven’ and actively seek to BE patient, kind, gentle, charitable, self-controlled, etc., no matter how we may be feeling at the time.

Here is where the rubber hits the road: if you aren’t actively doing the kinds of things the Father does, you aren’t His. Period. There is no wiggle room. There is no justification. There are no excuses. You cannot love as He does if you do not know Him intimately, and you CANNOT know Him intimately if you habitually, willingly do what He hates. Period. Unless you are living as Jesus lived to the best of your present ability and consistently striving to become more like Him through His guidance, you can say ‘LORD, LORD’ all you want, and you won’t walk through Heaven’s Gates. Period. If you are okay with habitually missing the mark, you are doomed. Period. Those who are truly His HATE their sins, and are constantly crying out “Search my heart, O LORD; seek out the wicked ways within me”, begging Him to purify them. If you aren’t hungry for Him to work deeply within you, if you justify yourself by saying ‘everybody struggles’ when you aren’t struggling at all, if you give yourself a pass because you said a prayer one time and try to be a nice person, you are fooling yourself, and stand condemned already; that end is assured, and certain doom awaits you.

…but God.

But God is merciful to those who will turn away from their ways, no matter where you are. You see, He sees you through His timeless eyes; what He is mostly paying attention to is who you WILL be, not who you were or are now. If you turn to Him and allow Him to work deeply in you to heal and restore you, He is faithful and just and will surely complete what He has started in you. You will come to know more and more peace, joy, love, etc. It is a sure part of becoming more and more like Him in your thought patterns. You will be able to handle more and more, and will even be able to be totally relaxed in situations that would normally stress you out.

You just need to ask and seek and keep knocking. He will answer you. Your life will change. That end is assured, and certain joy awaits you.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Psalm 23 – in my own words

(Prompted by a conversation with Mike Penninga concerning when he did a similar exercise, and based on my personal experiences during my walk with the Father.)

Yahweh is my Master. Everything I need, He provides me.

When I need rest and peace, they are mine, and more complete than words can record.

He has given me a life that is finally worth the living.

He teaches me how to live that life in a manner that shows to the world His power to heal and restore, so that those who are broken will know that they can trust Him to cure them of their spiritual terminal condition. Sometimes His teaching takes place in a meadow or a mountaintop, but mostly it takes place in the deepest, darkest valleys, whether He’s allowed me to wander there, led me there, or even created it for me. It is there, where I do not see Him, where I have lost my way and don’t know where to go or what to do, where all of my self-confidence and pride are stripped away, that I am finally, finally open to hear the truth that is bitter on the tongue, yet sweet in the belly and nourishing to the soul.

Selah

When all seems lost, I know that that is an illusion, for He has proven to me that He will never leave me or forsake me; even my worst experiences are there to help me to learn and grow. He has shown me His power to protect and discipline me; His rod has come down upon those who have set themselves against me, and me, myself. Both ultimately gave my heart comfort.

He has repeatedly shown that I have His favour right in front of those who are against me, and again and again they have been ashamed and repented, to His Glory.

He has anointed me to be His Servant and shepherd, and shown me His great favour through the overwhelming abundance that He has given me in front of all.

I have absolute confidence that He who began a good thing in me will continue until it is complete; His faithful love will hound and hunt me for all of my existence, and His home shall be my welcomed resting place for all eternity.

Amen and amen.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Fall of the New Roman Empire – Part 1

I’ve been pondering how our society is falling apart at the seams, and folks, let’s face it; the REAL problem is that morals are degrading more and more every day, and the more selfish, self-centered, and egotistical people become, the more likely they are to want more than their fair share and scream bloddy blue murder if they don’t get what they want. That’s why women’s shelters were created in the first place, when chauvinistic men used force to make their wives submit to them. It isn’t all one sided, though. While studies have shown that women are just as likely to be violent as men (or even more so), men tend to be more aggressive and stronger, so women tend to get hurt more in physical altercations. Consider the Ray Rice story; his wife kept yelling at him and hitting him until he retaliated, knocking her out with a single punch. (Don’t believe me? Just watch the surveillance videos.) Hard-line feminists don’t want to acknowledge that, and can become very violent about it, to the point where Erin Pizzey, who opened the very first women’s shelter in the UK in 1970 eventually had to flee from her own country in fear for her life because of death threats from feminists. (She held on until the local police had all her parcels go to them, first, so they could check for bombs, and finally her dog was shot in her front yard.)
All of this has effected me, personally. Four years ago, I escaped a twenty-five year abusive marriage, and I can testify that there was NO useful support for me, an abused husband, for all of those years, or since. Even in counselling sessions, the counsellors couldn’t offer me practical advice, because, while I couldn’t raise my kids on my own and work, there was no way in hell I was going to leave them alone with her, and all support (at least in Canada) goes to the mother, none to the father. (In fact, the man who started the only shelter in Canada for men escaping abusive relationships eventually committed suicide because he couldn’t get funding from anybody because they feared feminist retaliation, and he had bankrupted himself trying to help victimized men.)
Am I saying that all chauvinists/feminists are monsters? Hardly. What I’m saying is that anyone who puts their own comfort and desires (NOT survival; if you can’t survive a situation, you need to change it.) ahead of someone else’s, will naturally start to demonize those who don’t agree with them, placing de-humanizing labels on them to make it easier to justify their hateful thoughts and actions, even altering the definition of words to disparage them. (‘Cisgender’ comes to mind. I agree with my DNA that I have XY chromosomes. How does that make me a horrible person again?)
What does all of this mean? If you are taught over and over again that someone is less than you (…and you can teach yourself this), then it becomes easier and easier to attack them. The internet is a fantastic tool for this, because you can attack personas (like the human targets that started to get introduced after WW2, to replace round targets) until you have sharpened your instincts enough that you attack people in real life before you even think about it. Even more, the internet allows people of like thinking to form into navel-gazing groups that reinforce their own opinions while being highly resistant to critical thinking. These groups can become EXTREMELY powerful, to the point where they can influence federal governments to enact laws that the majority of citizens are against! I’m utterly convinced that this institutionalized self-centeredness is what is going to bring down modern society. How can we stop this? How do we restore sanity, when the people who are causing the damage won’t listen to reason? I confess that I don’t know how it is possible, without God’s help. I can speak up and appeal to people to think carefully about what they believe, to seek credible sources for what they are told, but I can’t control anyone but myself; I can only try to influence people to actively love others, to be patient, kind, gentle, self-controlled, and wise in their thoughts and actions. I am only one. Are you willing to be one, too, and help save us all?
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Little One

FB_IMG_1464409298431

(This was inspired while talking with someone whose life was falling apart.  She was frantically, ineffectually trying everything she could think of to solve her problems without the knowledge, skills, or insight to do so, nor the willingness to listen to anyone else’s advice.)

Hush, Little One.
You struggle and flutter uselessly,
Like a moth against a window,
Trying with every ounce of your strength
To get to the freedom you can see right in front of you,
Through the pane that you just can’t understand.

Be calm, Little One
Let your Father’s gentle, loving hands enfold you
Trusting that He will take you away from where you can only see your freedom
To where it actually is.

Go free, Little One
Let the Spirit, the very breath of God, support you
As you open fragile wings to soar impossibly higher and farther
Than you could have ever dreamt,
A gift beyond measure.

Posted in Poetry | Leave a comment